Pumpkin pie. Macy’s windows. Love Actually. Holiday music. Travel. Family time. Dread. Excitement. Stress. Grief. Vodka. (Kidding!…or am I?)

The holidays bring up a complex mix of emotions for many of us. While there is often much anticipation, joy, and connection around this time of year, it can also feel dark and isolating: the days get shorter, and we are reminded of difficult family dynamics, grief and loss, and stress to come. Perhaps we’ve had a great year, and we’re feeling grateful for health and blessings as we look forward to celebrations with loved ones. Maybe it’s been a rough year, and with a heavy heart we’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

No matter your holiday status, here are a few things to keep in mind this season:

Set. Some. Boundaries.

Time limits, breaks, self-care: Let these be your friends! Is a full week too long to stay with your in-laws? Suggest 4-5 days instead. Need a break from your kids? Go on a date while the grandparents babysit. Overwhelmed with the family drama? Take a walk, meet up with a friend, grab a book. Many families expect a lot of togetherness, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do your own thing. Space can actually allow for more connection in the long run.

Create your own traditions.

There is something very special about carrying on family traditions. They can bring us comfort and nostalgia, honoring family and friends near and far, past and present. Who’s to say we can’t update some of those traditions to include new ones? Perhaps this is the year to try that new recipe or serve at a soup kitchen for part of the day. Don’t be afraid to ask how you and your family unit want to celebrate, even if it’s different than what you’re used to.

Detach.

When stress, anxiety, and crazy family dynamics are all around you, it can be hard not to absorb everything. We care too much! Can’t help but combat Uncle Jimmy’s political rant to prove him wrong? Find yourself in the middle of your siblings’ drama? Detaching from others’ emotions allows us our own emotional space, and it requires intentional effort to mentally separate my stuff from yours. You can detach and still care.

Big picture.

Benefit of the doubt goes a long way. I know Mom can be frustrating when she stresses about every little detail, but remember that she’s likely doing it out of love. Check your mindset to keep those negative perceptions in line, because they might taint your experience otherwise. More often than not, while perhaps poorly executed, our families have good intentions behind what they do. Embrace, adjust, and accept them as they are.

Gratitude.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, an attitude of gratitude is front of mind. In case we don’t say it enough, we’re really grateful for you!