It’s no secret that Date Nights can do wonders to add a spark to a long-term relationship.

Many couples find it challenging to carve out the time to make it a regular occurrence (or even an occasional one!)—and those who do make it happen sometimes struggle to feel a surge of excitement from the experience. Like sex, frequency is less important than quality when it comes to Date Night. Here are a few adjustments to consider if you are craving more “ooomph” or energy from your time together.

1) Plan your date around the *feeling* you are trying to inspire between you.

Have you become lost in the monotony of work and running a household together? You need a sense of buzz and playfulness that dinner and a movie (with a race back home to relieve the babysitter on time) is unlikely to inspire. Instead, consider a setting that feels more exciting and novel. Take in live music and grab greasy tacos together. Check out a cheeky burlesque performance and order four different cocktails to try all at once. Get out of your comfort zone as a protest against the sameness that sets in while otherwise being responsible adults.

2) Get together with another couple.

A recent study showed that couples who went on a double date reported a greater sense of passion and excitement following their experience than those who went out as a twosome. Watching the way your partner lights up as she tells a story you’ve heard a thousand times  and noticing how your friends excitedly react to its punchline can inspire a renewed appreciation for her. It is important to be reminded that she’s worth treasuring and shouldn’t be taken for granted.

3) Boss your partner around!

When we are in a loving relationship we tend to become waaaaay too collaborative, needing diplomatic consensus on nearly every decision—from the proper way to load a dishwasher to the appropriate time to arrive at the airport before a flight. On Date Night, alternate taking the lead on the experience. In our practice, we call these Surrender Dates. You can approach this in one of two ways: (1) by orchestrating the date as a model for your idea of a vibrant or meaningful experience or (2) by creating the date as a gift to your partner, choosing an itinerary you suspect would delight them, even if it wouldn’t be your first choice of activities.

Regardless of the Surrender Date approach you opt to take, I highly recommend making the spirit of the date clear to your partner, so they understand your intentions. “Love, I’ve been thinking about how fun it would be to do this, and I want to set up a chance for us to experience it together,” or “I’ve been listening when you say you want to get out of the city and enjoy a day in nature, so I’ve arranged a day trip for us.” The most important part is the generosity of granting your partner a chance to be treated to an experience that has an element of surprise and thoughtful intention, creating exciting anticipation.

Remember: our time and energy are our most valuable resources as human beings. Show your relationship the respect it deserves by giving it at least equal time and energy to your career or children.

Comment below or send a private message to let us know how these adjustments go. We love hearing from you! (If you don’t see the comment box below, simply click on the title of this post and it will appear at the bottom)