For the past eight weeks I have been fully immersed in the wild ride of new motherhood, having just been blessed to welcome into the world a healthy, thriving little boy whom amazes me each day. While the blissful moments of gratitude and Instagram-worthy moments of sweetness have been abundant, so have the moments of absolute exhaustion, isolation, bewilderment, loss, and shifting of identity.

Many years of supporting friends and clients through both pregnancy and the postpartum period has ultimately done very little to prepare me for the realities of this life-changing experience. As it turns out, all of the cliches are true: this is both deeply meaningful and rewarding while also being a straight-up shit show (technical term) at times. While I am very new to this journey, I wanted to share what has been true for me so far, as I am sure some of you who are parents can relate.

Some Standouts:

1. Newborns provide the Mindfulness Intensive in which you never knew you were enrolling. For someone as active and achievement-oriented as myself, the degree to which you are called upon to slooooooooow down is profound. Multi-tasking is a thing of the past (at least during this stage), and your primary accomplishment each day is keeping the tiny human alive.
2. New parenthood is also the Communication Intensive in which you never knew you were enrolling. This has felt like couples therapy on overdrive with both fatigue and the soundtrack of baby wails adding to the intensity level. This, as you can imagine, forces you to grow together and stay on the same team each day more than any other challenge you can face. “Resets” have been often requested and generously granted on a near daily basis in our household.
3. Even the best healthcare experience does very little to prepare you for what needs to be known about healing from childbirth AND caring for your little babe. As a sex therapist, I know more than the average person about what happens to our bodies during pregnancy and childbirth, but let me just say, I think my new professional passion might be lobbying for all birthing people to at least receive a simple 10-point list of the wild things your body will go through in the coming weeks along with the numbers for a highly qualified Lactation Consultant and Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. While I am grateful that my OB was the best in town, the guidance I received following delivery and again six weeks later was quite minimal and given with a hand on the doorknob as he quickly darted from one patient to the next. It is mind-blowing to me that my father-in-law who just had knee replacement surgery has received more follow-up and rehabilitation guidance than I have after having a human extracted from my body and put in my tired arms.
4. Postpartum doulas are my new baby shower gift. Period. Support should not be a luxury, and every new mom deserves as much of it as possible. For new moms like myself who do not have local family and friends to rally around them during this “fourth trimester” a doula is a must. My partner is spectacular and more than I could have ever hoped for when it comes to being a reliable co-parent, yet being cared for by someone whose primary purpose is to “mother the mother” is deeply nurturing. Too many new moms aim for Superwoman status before giving themselves space and time to heal, both emotionally and physically.
5. It has quickly become clear to me how easy it is to focus most on the difficulties of the day or the joys of the day. Both are presented moment after moment and our mood and outlook are dependent upon which we choose to grab onto with our attention and share when someone asks how we are doing. I am not one for giving polished, surface-level answers, but it is instead about the overall tone we opt to allow our experience to take on. Some days require more conscious recalibration than others, but what is clear is that there is always a choice.

Sending a salute to all parents at each and every stage of the journey. I’m eager to initiate an even deeper conversation about the adventure of it all and to share what I learn along the way. For now, there is a sleeping baby on the monitor and a countdown of how many hours of sleep I can get before he rises and gives me a third day in a row of sweet newborn smiles upon waking (favorite milestone by far!). This is my sweet boy and his first smile caught on camera. After 7 weeks of nonstop care, there was a huge part of me that needed the validation of that smile, knowing he recognized me as his Mama and that our connection was mutual. *swoooon and exhale*

Please be sure to let us know what parenthood-related topics you’d like to see us cover in the upcoming months. Comment below or send me a direct message at kimberly@kimberlysharky.com.