“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.'”

– Brené Brown, LCSW

Empathy plays a major role in how deeply we connect with others in relationships. It is our capacity to feel and/or understand someone else’s experience.

There is a common question that arises in therapy when clients ask or wonder, “How could you possibly understand what I’m going through?” As therapists, our ability to empathize is a foundational piece of a strong therapeutic relationship, and it translates to our personal relationships as well.

We want to feel connected to those close to us, yet there is a loneliness within any emotional experience where you might feel that no one understands your feelings.

Some of us might also have a harder time feeling and processing our own emotions, which can make it difficult to connect with others. It is not necessary for you to have been through the exact same experience as your partner in order to understand where they’re coming from. But you do have to lean into it with some vulnerability.

The root of empathy is your ability to connect with your own emotional experience first, before you can sit with your partner’s emotions in the moment.

If you tell me you’re feeling sad, I have to lean into my own experience of sadness in order to deeply connect with yours, which communicates, “You’re not alone.”

Intrigued? For those of us who like visuals, brilliant researcher, author, and speaker Brené Brown explains it best in this cartoon video short. Take a look. Who doesn’t love cartoons?!