Despite the “Enliven Couples Therapy” sign on our office door, many clients are in my office for individual therapy—and many of them are single. Whether you’ve been single for ten years or ten minutes, it’s no secret that online dating is the mode of meeting du jour—and any stigma that existed about meeting your true love on an app is quickly fading. But putting yourself out there is not always easy. A quick Google search will offer a million “rules” for online dating—put this on your profile, never say this, always do that. Instead of following these complex, often contradictory, and always arbitrary guidelines, I like to help clients stay mindful of how they’re choosing their matches, how you’re proceeding with each relationship, and how they’re feeling throughout. Read on for my quick tips:

DO trust your gut.

Does your gut tell you this man is creepy? Trust it. Does your gut tell you this woman is worth pursuing? Send her a message. Ultimately, online dating is no different than dating in real life. If things feel good, lean in. If they don’t, don’t.

DON’T swipe mindlessly.

Check in with yourself as you’re perusing. If it feels boring or frustrating, stop. If you feel excited and curious, swipe away! It’s easy to burn out after hours of swiping, which will make it harder to strike up a meaningful conversation once you do find a good match.

DO meet in real life.

Long, never ending online conversations tend to peter out. Once you feel comfortable with someone and trust that you might have fun with them, make the transition to a quick drink or coffee date. Think of it as a meeting instead of a date. In-person chemistry often feels different than banter by text, and you’ll likely know pretty quickly if you’re interested in a longer date.

DO get curious.

Think to yourself, What do I actually want to know about this person? Then, ask! Overplanning and preparing for a date can often make nerves worse. So once you meet, let your curiosity guide the conversation instead of predetermined “conversation starters.”

DON’T put pressure on yourself to have sex—or to not have sex.

How many dates should you go on before you have sex? There is no right answer to this question—and there’s also no wrong answer. This comes back to trusting your gut, your values, and your date. Sex on the first date feels great for some people and in some situations. For others, waiting until they’re in an exclusive relationship feels better.

DO be safe.

Meeting a stranger for the first time is risky. Make sure a trusted friend or family member knows where you’re going and who you’re with. First dates should be in public, and any sexual activity should be consensual and protected. If something feels off, trust that feeling and get out.

DO be yourself.

This may sound cliché, but it’s also SO important. There’s no point in putting on a fake persona that you think your date wants to see. If she’s drinking beer, but you prefer wine, order what you want. If he swears by yoga, but you think it’s boring, be honest! If things do move forward, the truth will come out eventually. And figuring out if it’s a good fit means actually seeing how your true personalities meld.

Ultimately, dating can and should be fun. If it feels like a second job or like it’s adding more stress than joy to your life, working with a relationship therapist may be a helpful first step toward dating in a way that feels authentic to you.