I know nothing about cars. So when, one day, my beloved Jeep Wrangler hit a pothole on I-55 and began to shake and swerve uncontrollably, forcing me to confront the possibility of an untimely, fiery death, I immediately drove it to the shop to get fixed. Because I’m not a car expert. And because there are people who are car experts. They fixed my car right up, tightening the steering so I wouldn’t encounter another “Death Wobble.” (Real phrase, people. Not fun.)

My point is: Jeep Wranglers are dangerous.

Also: Seek out the experts who know how to work with the issues you’re encountering.

We can’t help you with your cars, but we can help you with your relationship and/or sexuality. In our line of work, we engage individuals and couples in adjusting their narratives about themselves—and about one another. As Esther Perel says, the goal of therapy is to adjust one’s story: Ideally, “…the story people come in with is not the story they leave with.” Therapy seeks to find if you can experience a glimpse of something for which you are longing, to see if you can have a different experience of yourself and with one another.

Our stories strengthen the longer they go unchallenged.

Seemingly small annoyances or frustrations, when left unresolved, can erupt into robust feelings of resentment, helplessness, anger, and loneliness. Couples often get trapped in cyclical patterns of toxic interactions, that eventually serve to strengthen your negative narrative about the other.

So when is the best time to come to counseling? Yesterday. Or, at the very least, prior to the calcification of your resentments! If you’re feeling stuck or worried that you’re not being understood, heard, validated, etc., we encourage you to dispel the common myths that keep you from coming to counseling:

• ”We should be able to figure this out on our own.” (No, you shouldn’t. That’s why we’re here!)

• ”Isn’t going to therapy before we’re married a sign that we should just break up?” (Not necessarily. In my opinion, I see it as a major strength in a partnership to know when to reach out for help!)

• ”I’m worried the therapist won’t side with me.” (That one might be true. If you’re behaving or thinking in a toxic fashion, it’s our job to help you adjust! We won’t be jerks about it, and we promise to use humor as much as possible, because we want to model a healthy way to offer feedback and work together to change unhealthy patterns!)

Thinking about coming to therapy? We offer free 15-minute phone consultations to answer any questions you have and to help identify whether we’d be a good fit. Reach out to us at concierge@enlivenchicago.com to schedule your consultation.