Trust is a fascinating dynamic in relationships. It is foundational, ever-changing, nuanced, and sometimes heartbreaking. For some, there are deep wounds from the past that may take a lifetime to heal. For others, trust issues might arise on a daily basis when triggered by insecurities. There are many ways to build and rebuild trust in therapy by taking a deep look at yourself, your history, your partner, and your current behavior. Trust can also be quite straight forward, when you think about it: Do. The. Thing.

Doing what you say you’re going to do is the simplest, most direct way to show that you’re reliable. Follow through is incredibly important, as it demonstrates that you listen, care, and respect whatever is being asked of you (and whoever asked it). Did you look into that book recommendation he said you’d like? Did you grab those items at the store that she requested? Could you make that appointment you’ve been meaning to schedule? Could you make a reservation at the place you’ve both wanted to try? Get on it! Your partner will feel so taken care of, and you’ll feel accomplished.

Many couples get stuck in a familiar cycle of nagging and procrastinating, otherwise known as over-functioning and under-functioning.

Over-functioners are often task-oriented, Type-A personalities; they’re doers and list-makers.

Under-functioners, by comparison, are more laid back, less structured, and perhaps forgetful at times.

These are merely tendencies we have as individuals, yet they feed right into each other in relationships. The more you do, the less your partner does. The more you repeat yourself, the more your partner resists. The less you follow through, the more your partner will ask repeatedly. It’s absolute madness!

To my under-functioners: Don’t like being nagged? There is a way out! Do. The. Thing. Those repeated requests are a signal that your partner feels unheard, so they get louder if not tended to. If you didn’t get to it, at least acknowledge that it’s on your radar. This validates your partner’s needs.

To my over-functioners: Ask nicely, be specific, and soften your tone as you make a request. “Would you please pick up the dry cleaning on your way home?” Patience helps here too, since many of us aren’t on the same page about the urgency of the task at hand. That’s where selflessness comes in: If it’s important to my partner, it’s important to me. And repeat. Don’t make me nag you! Trust me: Sweat the small stuff. It goes a long way in the land of love.